


through the night

by ninetynineclouds (foggydays)



Category: SF9 (Band)
Genre: Drabble, M/M, Post-Break Up, the smallest bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-01
Updated: 2017-09-01
Packaged: 2018-12-22 12:40:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11967603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggydays/pseuds/ninetynineclouds
Summary: taeyang can't seem to fall asleep and he begins to reminisce and think about the boy he thinks he'll never stop loving.





	through the night

**Author's Note:**

> my aesthetic is writing during the dark hours of the night and losing sleep.  
> anyway, here's another super short hwitae drabble that nobody asked for. it's finally sem break (god bless) and maybe, just maybe, if my brain works in my favour, i'll write more sf9 fics.

There’s just something about past lovers, Taeyang supposes. Even when you cut all ties with them and never see them in a long time – and you’re even sure that you’re over them – they’ll always be there at the back of your mind, as if already making it a home. At the most random time, they’d begin to pop up in your head and you’d wonder how they’re doing for a brief moment before focusing back on whatever you’ve been doing. While you don’t really care about them anymore, you’ll somehow start to think of them because they were, at one point, your significant other – the one you’d spend so much time with, the one you’d put in so much effort for, the one you’d pepper kisses everywhere on their body and whisper sweet nothings to their ear. At one point, they had meant a lot.

Though if Taeyang is being completely honest and doesn’t try to believe otherwise, there _is_ actually one whom he will always love even if he finds someone else; the who has been staying in his heart and left a dull ache in his chest because Taeyang loves _him_ that much and probably always will. While the others would mean something to him only at one point of time, this certain ex-lover would always mean a lot to him. Sometimes he thinks that he’s completely over the other because it’s been quite a while since the break up after all, but when someone else mentions the other’s name and how he’s been doing, or updates his life by posting on Instagram, Taeyang goes all the way back to square one. Then again, it’s a given that getting over someone you’ve been with for almost three years will be anything but easy. Not to mention if you were best friends for years before you had taken the next step.

And tonight especially, missing Youngkyun comes in waves.

If he closes his eyes, he’d still be able to see Youngkyun giggling at something nonsensical Taeyang had uttered before they were supposed to sleep and then kicking the older’s legs before tangling them together again and whisper to Taeyang, ‘Goodnight, I love you.’ He’d then give Taeyang one last peck on the lips and bury his face in the crook of Taeyang’s neck. But the moment he flutters his eyes open, a heartbreaking reality welcomes him back – Youngkyun’s usual spot right next to him on the bed is void of the owner so Taeyang goes to sleep alone without anyone bidding him goodnight along with an ‘I love you’, and all there really is, is a ghost of Youngkyun’s lips that lingers on his own.

Even when it’s been months since both of them had ended things, Taeyang still can’t seem to grasp what had happened between them and why they even broke up. It remains to be something Taeyang can’t quite understand yet. Because they really did love each other, so much even and Taeyang… he still does love Youngkyun with every fiber of his being. They never really did have major fights either and they were always considerate towards one another’s feelings. The break-up had happened in a blur to Taeyang and he never understood why even then either, he just agreed to it because Youngkyun had brought it up. He never wanted to agree with it but he thought that if they did then Youngkyun will be happier, and to Taeyang, the younger’s happiness is all that really matters. But for Youngkyun’s happiness, he had to sacrifice his own. On some days, Taeyang finds Youngkyun a little cruel, but he could never blame or dislike the younger boy. Youngkyun doesn’t deserve any of that.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Taeyang and Youngkyun had been best friends for the longest time ever. They couldn’t really remember how it was like before they became friends because they had met at such a young age. What Taeyang could remember though, was that they had met at the park nearby their house.

He was only seven while Youngkyun was a small five year old boy, and at that time he was playing soccer with the other seven year olds and boys that were just a little bit older than himself. Youngkyun had watched them play quietly at the side, an adult nowhere to be found near him. Taeyang was the first to notice Youngkyun’s presence amidst the intense soccer match, and Taeyang offered the younger boy to play with them. But Youngkyun was never really athletic. He had always been clumsy and stumbled around, therefore he declined Taeyang’s offer to join them. Seven year old Taeyang couldn’t let the other boy be alone though, so he told the others to play without him as he sat right next to Youngkyun, accompanying him until his mother came to take him home. Since then, they were inseparable. Best friends for life, their respective mothers had called them. 

Taeyang only realised that he had developed feelings for Youngkyun when he had newly graduated from high school. It devastated the both of them that they had to be away from each other because Taeyang would have to live at his college dorm while Youngkyun had to stay and finish high school. They spent even more time with one another before Taeyang moved (they usually already did meet a lot and never really thought that it was possible to spend more time with each other than they already did, but they were proven wrong) and it was around that time that Taeyang realised that he loved Youngkyun in a non-platonic way. And in all honesty, it had terrified him. Terrified him that he fell for his very own best friend, and what if Youngkyun found out and decided to stop talking to him? What if Youngkyun didn’t want to be friends with him anymore?

But he actually didn't have to be so terrified of such a thing. It was during their last night together, before Taeyang was going to move to his college dorm, that Youngkyun gave Taeyang the shock of his life by kissing him. It was a very brief kiss, and Youngkyun had tears rolling down his cheeks. He confessed that he had feelings for the older male for a long time and that he really didn’t want Taeyang to be so far away from him. And although Taeyang might not feel the same way, he still needed his best friend with him.

Youngkyun managed to receive a kiss from Taeyang and a confession that the feeling was mutual that night though, but Taeyang still moved into his college dorm the next day. Eventually, they stayed together in their very own apartment when Youngkyun was going to enter college.

 

 

 

Sundays were always meant for Taeyang and Youngkyun to spend time with each other and forget about everything else. No plans were to be made with their other friends because it’s a day for themselves. Most of the time Sundays consisted of lazing around in bed and if they felt like it, they’d watch a movie. Though because they had a tiring week, they’d take a lot of naps throughout the day instead. But there were still days where Taeyang would drag Youngkyun out of bed (truthfully, it’s never that hard — all you had to do was promise to feed him and smother him with kisses, really) and bring him out for a date.

It was one of those Sundays where Youngkyun was taken out for a date then. The Black Skirts' ‘Who Do You Love’ was playing on the radio and they were both singing to it in earnest because it’s one of their favourite songs. Taeyang found that at times like those, when they’d both sing to a song they loved in the car with so much passion that most times their voices never sounded that great (it never mattered anyway) which would make them laugh at, and with one another, was one of his favourite moments with Youngkyun. It’s a simple thing, but moments like that will always hold a special place in his heart because he had fallen in love with the feeling it gave him. There’s just something about it that Taeyang finds he'll remember those moments the most, and remembering it would always leave a warm feeling — a feeling that would remind him of home.

After they were done having a (horrible) carpool karaoke session and caught their breaths, they took another moment to laugh a little. Youngkyun then cleared his throat and said, “ _Hyung_ …I have something to confess.”

Taeyang’s grip on the wheel had tightened due to the anxiousness that was seeping in after hearing the tone of Youngkyun’s voice. It didn’t sound good, and Taeyang supposed that whatever he was going to say next wouldn’t be great either. “What is it?”

“It’s...hard for me to tell you this. But,” Youngkyun took a deep breath, while Taeyang held his own, “I’m in love with you and I've been in love with you for years now. It’s been killing me to hold it in this long, but I think you deserve to know.”

“Yeah I know, that's why we've been boyfriends for two years you headass! Don't scare me like that!"

Youngkyun only laughed, unapologetic, and blew a kiss at Taeyang. That little shit.

 

 

 

“Why are you such an idiot? Have I ever told you that you’re an idiot?”

Youngkyun offered the older a cheeky grin which made Taeyang cluck his tongue in annoyance in return as he dried Youngkyun thoroughly with a towel. The boy had decided to run back to the apartment in the heavy rain and he showed up at the doorstep soaking wet; his clothes were drenched to the point where they stuck to Youngkyun’s skin and water dripped from every inch of his body and left a puddle of water on the wooden floor. He replied, “Too many times.”

“You could have called me to pick you up. Why didn’t you?” Taeyang had grumbled, worried that the younger would end up getting sick because of the rain.

Youngkyun hummed and asked in a teasing tone, “Well, where’s the fun in that?”

Taeyang paused and heaved a heavy sigh before hitting Youngkyun with the towel that was in his hands which made the younger release an exaggerated yelp. Taeyang didn’t say anything else after that and continued to dry Youngkyun. The other sensed that Taeyang was getting upset so he grabbed Taeyang’s hands to stop him and then wrapped his arms around the older male — the embrace had eased Taeyang in almost an instant. Youngkyun smiled knowingly as he buried his head in the crook of Taeyang's neck and slightly rubbed his head against Taeyang like a cat seeking for attention and affection. Taeyang already knew he lost at this point.

“I’m sorry, I won’t do it again. You’ll take care of me if I get sick though, right?”

“You’re a huge pain.”

“You love me.”

“Yeah, I do.”

Youngkyun pressed his lips softly against Taeyang’s collarbone and mumbled, “I love you too, _hyung._ ”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

It’s almost as if fate is laughing at him at this moment and decides to play with him even more because making Taeyang suffer seems to be something enjoyable. In this sleepless night — this night where he reminisces the days he had with Youngkyun and thoughts of the other male can’t seem to leave his head — his phone vibrates as an indication that someone is calling him, and when he looks at the caller ID he doesn’t know whether to start crying or pick up the phone. It takes him a few seconds to decide on the latter. He takes a deep breath and says, “Hello?”

There’s no reply but he hears Youngkyun sobbing on the other line, and Taeyang can tell that he’s trying to be quiet. If there is anything that hurts Taeyang even more than their break up, it’d be to hear Youngkyun cry. Taeyang never liked to hear the younger cry because it always breaks something in him, and Youngkyun rarely ever cries, which is why it hurts even more when he does.

“What’s wrong?” Taeyang asks softly. His question only makes Youngkyun cry harder, even though Taeyang never meant to do such a thing. Taeyang can already hear something in him crack, he feels horrible. He wants to wipe Youngkyun’s tears so bad, wants to hold him in his arms, wants to be there for Youngkyun. But instead, all he can do is keep quiet and wait until the younger starts to calm down.

“Are you...okay?” Taeyang asks when he hears silence from the other line which meant that Youngkyun had stopped crying. It's a stupid question, and he already knows the answer to it, but he's too unprepared to say anything better. Youngkyun hums in response anyway.“Do you want to tell me what's going on?"

The other line remains quiet for a moment, and then, “I just miss you. So much. It hurts.”

Taeyang could have sworn that his heart stopped for a millisecond when he heard those words uttered by Youngkyun. Getting a call from Youngkyun at three in the AM was surprising enough, but hearing Youngkyun cry for about half an hour and then tell Taeyang that he misses him really is something else.

“I-I miss you too,” he says. When he hears nothing else from the other line he adds albeit reluctantly, “Are you free tomorrow?”

“My last class ends at three. I’m free after that.”

“Meet me then?”

“Okay.”

 

 

Neither of them says anything else after that, but they don’t hang up still. Taeyang stays and accompanies Youngkyun in hopes that it gives him some comfort until he hears steady breaths coming from the other that meant he had already fallen asleep, and then hangs up.

Tomorrow, Yoo Taeyang gets to meet the love of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!  
> one of the prompts i used and tweaked was from tumblr but i can't find the link to it anymore. it was:  
> "okay, i have something to confess... i like you. I have for the past two years now and it's been killing me to hold it in this long but i think you deserve to know."  
> "you nerd, we've been dating for the past few years."


End file.
